


a shadow to your light

by emisyndrome



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Other, Temporary Amnesia, rest of the team is an afterthought, summary is kinda misleading tbh, unrealistic amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-02-06 02:30:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1841044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emisyndrome/pseuds/emisyndrome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you could live forever, what would you do?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	a shadow to your light

Kageyama turned in his bed, letting out a loud sigh. He buried his face into his pillow, inhaling deeply to recapture those lost memories.

 

_“Toss to me!” Hinata shouted, arms spread open. “Just once, Kageyama!”_

_“Shut up,” the setter retorted, arching a volleyball towards Hinata. It was - as always - well received, a satisfying smack hitting the ground._

_“Again!”_

_“Yeah, yeah.”_

 

It wasn’t as if their entire relationship was based off volleyball. Even if Hinata and he didn’t have a lot of things in common outside of sports, it was still enough to be together. Kageyama didn’t mind being dragged out to shop with Yachi and Hinata, just as Hinata didn’t mind spending a sunny day in the confines of Kageyama’s room. There was give and take; that’s how their relationship worked.

 

_“The weather’s so nice today,” Hinata was jumpy, “Let’s go outside, Kageyama!”_

_“No,” Kageyama replied. “We went out yesterday.”_

_“But, but,” Hinata pouted. “I’ll buy you ice cream!”_

_Kageyama sighed, but reluctantly stood up. “Remember to put on sunscreen.”_

_With a loud whoop, Hinata shot up, fist pumping. The two of them scrambled out the door, nearly forgetting to lock it in Hinata’s excitement. They made their way down to the stream, their usual secret hiding place. Hinata would always pick up rocks he deemed to be special and stuffed them in his pockets. This led to an awkward pile of rocks Kageyama and Hinata had collected in a jar at home. To Kageyama, they all looked the same - dull, grey, and boring. Hinata could tell them apart though, right down to the day he found it._

_It was on this very same day that Hinata was perched on a large stone, hand over eyes to shield his face from the sun. He turned around to smile at Kageyama, his hair golden against the light. Hinata’s eyes shone with a mischievous glee; it made Kageyama a little nervous, but he was used to his roommate’s games by now._

_“What are you thinking about, Kageyama?” Hinata asked._

_Kageyama scowled, “Nothing.”_

_“You can’t be thinking about nothing!” Hinata exclaimed. “Look around you! It’s warm, the birds are chirping, you’re with good company. You have to be thinking about something.”_

_“If I say I’m thinking about nothing, then I’m thinking about nothing,” Kageyama rolled his eyes, “and who says I’m with good company?”_

_“Me, stupid!”_

_Kageyama scoffed, staring at his friend. Hinata always seemed to be so alive. Flushed with life, he guessed you could say._

_“Oi, Hinata,” Kageyama began, “if you could live forever, what would you spend your time doing?”_

_Hinata cocked his head, debating on the question very seriously. “Mmm, I don’t think I’d want to live forever, actually. After all, isn’t all the fun in growing up?” His mouth parted, “Ah, but if I grow too old, then I’ll have to stop playing volleyball. I don’t want that at all! No way!”_

_“...I see,” Kageyama replied._

_“Well?”_

_“Well, what?”_

_“What about you?” Hinata asked. “If you could live forever, what would you do?”_

 

Kageyama ignored the boy during that time. Hinata had never stopped hassling him afterwards though. Until now, and oh, what he wouldn’t give to hear Hinata’s voice asking about forever again. Kageyama opened his eyes, listening carefully into the night. If he strained his ears, he could almost hear the subtle snoring from the room beside him. Almost, because there was no one living in that room anymore.

 

_Kageyama pounded on his wall a couple times. A few minutes later, he had an irritated Hinata as his door._

_“You called, Your Majesty?” Hinata gritted out._

_“Stop snoring, and don’t call me that,” Kageyama said. “Good night.”_

_Hinata spluttered as the door was shut against his face. Kageyama could hear warbled outcries from the other side, but decided to ignore them, climbing into his lofty bed instead. A moment passed before he heard knocking against the wall - from Hinata’s side this time. It persisted until Kageyama was forced to get up. The hitting went back and forth between them until their landowner had personally made a visit to the two’s apartment. It took days before the duo could look their neighbours in the face again, out of sheer embarrassment for their actions. That didn’t stop the bickering though._

The phone rang, startling Kageyama. He reached out absentmindedly, picking up with a quiet ‘hello.’

“Yo, Kageyama!” It was Nishinoya, probably calling after work.

“Yes, senpai?” Kageyama replied.

“I just finished my shift,” Nishinoya said (he was a nurse of all things), “and I just wanted to tell you that Hinata’s doing okay.”

There was a pause. “Thank you, senpai,” Kageyama said. “Is that all?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess, but there’s one more thing,” Nishinoya’s tone softened, “he asked for you today. Maybe in not so many words, but he did. I really think Hinata’s starting to remember.”

It took a minute for Kageyama to swallow back the tears. “Thank you for saying that, Nishinoya-senpai, but I don’t want to be given false hope.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so false if you’d come and visit once in a while,” he scolded Kageyama, a little angry on Hinata’s behalf.

“You know I can’t,” Kageyama sighed, preparing to beat himself up over the same argument.

“Why can’t -” Nishinoya’s voice was cut off by a deeper one. “Hello, Kageyama. How have you been doing?”

“Hi, Asahi-senpai,” Kageyama said. “Are you picking up Nishinoya-senpai from work?”

Asahi chuckled. “Yes. Sorry for his behavior, but you know, you really should come one day. Maybe not alone. I could go with you, or maybe Kenma from Nezuma. He visits sometimes, with Kuroo.”

“I don’t know how to face him,” Kageyama admitted. The first time he had seen Hinata after the accident, he couldn’t even speak. The person sitting in front of him at that time was not Hinata. It was not Hinata; it was not the man he loved.

“He doesn’t blame you,” Asahi reassured the boy. “Even if he’s different, Hinata is still Hinata.”

Your Hinata and my Hinata are different too, Kageyama wanted to say. He kept his lips sealed though, and promised to visit another time. A lie, he thought, or maybe not.

 

The following day, Kageyama was standing in front of Kanzaki Clinic. Hinata had been moved there on his parents’ request after recovering physically from the accident. Part of it had been that since Nishinoya worked there, there was a person they could trust to watch after their son. Another part of it was that the clinic was located in an entirely separate location from the crash. This was so if Hinata was ever walking outside, he wouldn’t be triggered by the scene. Their - Kageyama’s, now - apartment was far away from here, and the distance had been an excuse to avoid visiting used many times by the setter.

“Look who finally showed up,” Nishinoya said, arms crossed. Kageyama opened his mouth. “Save it. Come on, he’s in the back.” They circled around the moderately sized building, entering the small courtyard they had in the back for rehabilitating patients.

“Senpai,” Hinata’s voice rang out like a breath of fresh air after sinking through the ocean. “Oh, ah, Kageyama, right?”

Kageyama nodded. “I brought you meat buns.”

Hinata cocked his head. “Don’t people usually bring fruit to visit the ill?”

“I can take them back if you don’t want them,” Kageyama shrugged.

“No, no!” Hinata eagerly reached for the bag. “Thank you, Kageyama. I appreciate the gesture. How are you?”

“I’m,” he swallowed, “well. Are you feeling better? Nishinoya-senpai said you were asking for me.”

“Yeah,” Hinata looked down. “Senpai told me I might be released soon. There’s no real reason to keep me here, after all.”

“Hey, squirt, Asahi’s taking me out for lunch,” Nishinoya grinned. “Behave yourselves, alright?”

Before Kageyama could protest, the blond stripe of hair had disappeared.

“He’s a tricky one,” Hinata chuckled. “Want one?” The two of them ate their meat buns on the bench. It reminded Kageyama so much of their high school days that he found it difficult to swallow even the first bite. They chattered a little about the weather, and each other’s daily lives.

Kageyama was the one who decided to break the ice. “How much do you… remember?” The ‘about me’ was implied.

Hinata stared at his empty hands. Kageyama didn’t like that. Hinata was the type to look you in the eye and tell you straight on, damn it.

“Look at me,” Kageyama demanded. “Look at me, Hinata.”

“What -” Hinata stammered.

“Six months ago, I asked you what you would do if you lived forever,” Kageyama said. “You probably don’t remember this. You asked me the same question after, but I didn’t reply. Ask me it again.”

Hinata seemed confused, but complied with the request. “Okay. Kageyama, if you could live forever, what would you do?”

“The thing is, I couldn’t live forever,” Kageyama said. “I can’t live forever, because it’d be too many years of living in our apartment and waiting for the day that you would come home. It’d be too many years of chasing after your shadow, because God, aren’t you the brightest thing I’ve seen. I can’t live forever, because I don’t think I could live with you not remembering me. I am so sorry, Shouyou.”

Kageyama was a grown man, but he was blubbering, snot dripping down his chin, honest to God crying. He was so sorry, _so_ sorry for everything he had done. It was his fault Hinata was suffering through this bout of amnesia. It was his fault that Hinata had run out on one of his stupid whims. It was his fault for not telling Hinata everything he had to say before it was too late. Time was up, and Kageyama had lost the game.

That was, until Hinata pulled him closer. They were pressed side to side, Hinata’s face buried in Kageyama’s chest.

“I’m hurt, but I’m alive,” Hinata declared boldly. “I’ll probably get hurt again, but that’s okay, Kageyama. If you’re by my side, then I’m invincible, right?” The light had returned to Hinata’s eyes, no longer the dull barely there recognition. This was clarity - as if Hinata knew who he was. As if Hinata - oh God, Hinata.

Kageyama squeezed the smaller boy tighter, needing to feel the solidity of this situation. Hope was a real, tangible thing.

“Guess you really love me if you cried, huh,” Hinata made a teasing remark beside Kageyama’s ear. The latter pulled away, scowling.

“As if, dumbass,” he scoffed. “I just had something my eye.”

“Something,” Hinata repeated, delighted as his partner’s embarrassment. “I’m sure it was a big load of crap, since that’s what you’re spewing right now.”

Kageyama gaped, unable to form words.

“C’mon, stupid,” Hinata slapped his back. “Let’s go call Nishinoya-senpai back so he can sign me out of here.”

They walked inside, slowly, but with hands clasped. Kageyama guessed he did find those lost memories after all.

 

~~~

 

The former Karasuno volleyball met up again in Kageyama (and Hinata’s) apartment a few days later, many of them members crying in joy.

“Thanks for all the gifts, guys!” Hinata grinned.

“Why are you all crying?” Nishinoya rolled his eyes. “I told you his amnesia was only temporary! Damned non-believers.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> -unrealistic depiction of amnesia  
> -the accident was meant to be vague but for those who are curious, hinata was hit by a car on his way to the store (kageyama blames himself b/c he was the one who needed something, so he was the one who should've went out). there's more to the accident but i don't think you guys are interested so i'll leave it as that.
> 
> thanks for reading! c:


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